1. Baltimore (3-1). They’re the Ravens. Men want to be them. Women want to be with them. Animals want to learn how to talk so they can hang out with them.

2. Pittsburgh (3-1). Anybody else see Puddy from “Seinfeld” rip into Roethlisberger on “ESPN First Take” Tuesday? They had to break in with “allegedly” about six times. Bet they’re glad they had him on.

3. Green Bay (3-1). Still no running game without Ryan Grant. Hasn’t mattered much. Yet.

4. N.Y. Jets (3-1). Danny Woodhead wasn’t good enough to make this team. Doesn’t that say it all?

5. Atlanta (3-1). Missed chip-shot field goals. Guys showboating with interceptions when they should fall down and run out of the clock. The way the Falcons win games illustrates the thin line between first and last place in the NFL right now.

6. New Orleans (3-1). Sean Payton likes his team’s effort. Maybe he’s having the Super Bowl hangover, too.

7. New England (3-1). Stay tuned for scenes from next week’s “The Mole: Miami Dolphins Special Teams Coach Edition.”

8. Houston (3-1). Take note: Texans can sit out Andre Johnson, bench Arian Foster for a quarter and still win on the road.

9. Indianapolis (2-2). Losing your first two divisional road games on grass is a good way to avoid worrying about whether or not to rest your starters Christmas week.

10. Denver (2-2). Hoodie Junior starting to build an offense in his image.

11. Tennessee (2-2). Nobody told the Titans that win one, lose one, win one, lose one has the same end result as starting 0-6 and finishing 8-2.

12. Philadelphia (2-2). Quarterback guru Andy Reid is in denial that Kevin Kolb was a product of his college system. Then again, right now, he doesn’t have much choice.

13. Dallas (1-2). ‘Pokes could stand to lose another game or two. They’re nothing special when they lose that sense of desperation.

14. Kansas City (3-0). Last undefeated team travels to Indy this week. Man, the bitter 1972 Dolphins alumni didn’t even get a chance to break a sweat and make the radio talk show circuit this year.

15. San Diego (2-2). Spotting the AFC West a few games just to make it fair, as usual.

16. Cincinnati (2-2). When is the last time Ocho or Owens had a buck-fifty or more in a game their team actually won?

17. Washington (2-2). If McNabb cared that much every week, Redskins might win the Super Bowl.

18. N.Y. Giants (2-2). Justin Tuck hasn’t looked that effective since he was assaulting a one-legged Tom Brady in Super Bowl XLII.

19. Chicago (3-1). Can’t figure out how nobody from the Bears’ coaching staff got fired after that nationally televised undressing.

20. Minnesota (1-2). Give him Randy Moss, Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald, for all I care. It isn’t going to matter if Brett Favre can’t move.

21. Miami (2-2). Funny how the last two years, special teams play made up for the ‘Fins complete lack of a passing game.

22. Jacksonville (2-2). Looks like David Garrard got his give-a-damn repaired after the Jaguars signed every available quarterback in America a week earlier.

23. Seattle (2-2). Pete Carroll’s Twitter update after a beatdown at St. Louis, of all places: “We will not accept this.” He may not have much choice.

24. Arizona (2-2). That Matt Leinart trade looks like pure genius now, huh?

25. Oakland (1-3). With apologies to the groundskeepers in “Major League”: These guys aren’t so freaking bad.

26. Tampa Bay (2-1). Had a bye. I hardly noticed.

27. San Francisco (0-4). Still the best team in a godawful division.

28. St. Louis (2-2). If I had a nickel for every time somebody on TV reminded me this dog-ugly team was in line to be tied for first in the NFC West, I could afford to buy a Kurt Warner jersey at Goodwill and celebrate the last time the Rams were relevant.

29. Cleveland (1-3). Hillis had the best day of any player named Peyton last week.

30. Carolina (0-4). Oh yeah? Well, they’d be a solid third place in the SEC East.

31. Detroit (0-4). Hopefully these poor guys are still playing this hard at Thanksgiving. The Patriots could use the workout.

32. Buffalo (0-4). You could make a case for a half-dozen teams at the top. There’s no such drama at the bottom.