For Whom the Bells Toll

State Police say a young Saco man has been evading paying tolls on the Maine Turnpike for the past three years. Mathieu Bosse, 23, was arrested outside the Ramada Inn in Saco, which sits adjacent to the turnpike. A State Police trooper saw Bosse drive his car off the turnpike and down a walkway that leads to the motel, squeezing between a light fixture and a large rock. Police say Bosse had been using this exit for some time to avoid going through the toll booth.  He was charged with driving to endanger and theft.  The turnpike authority says Bosse still owes them over $100 in tolls.

Clearly, this kid needs to make a change.

Shop til you drop 

State Police have charged a Gardiner woman with going on a shopping spree with a credit card she found. Destiny Robbins, 32, is charged with theft and forgery. Trooper Sam Tlumac said Robbins found the card in the parking lot of an Augusta supermarket last month. She then used the credit card to buy more than $1,300 in items at stores between Winthrop and Bangor. Among the items purchased were Christmas presents, decorations and groceries. Most of the items have been recovered. The buying ended at the Target store in Bangor when the credit card had reached its limit.

Today’s ethical question: Do you keep the stuff Destiny bought you or give it back? I’d like an answer as soon as possible. I’ve grown fond of the Ron Jeremy Chia Pet.

Wait til next year

It’s the second day of January. Do you know where your underpants are?

By now, you should have blown half your New Year’s resolutions. Why not pick up tickets to the Nateva Festival, which go on sale Tuesday, and blow the rest of them in one convenient location.

I swear

And speaking of resolutions, it’s my ambition this year to clean up what has been described as a gutter mouth. With most swear words hacked from my vocabulary, look for really, really, really short sentences. And in some cases, empty white space.

Hugh Hefner gets hitched

A total drag. His parties are going to be a real bummer now. Let’s all head to Favre’s place!

Batter up

Somewhere in the Twin Cities, a man called police to report his nose was broken when his girlfriend hit him with a baseball bat. Which reminded me that there are only 40 days or so to go before catchers and pitchers start to show up for spring training. Hope springs eternal. Except for the guy with the busted schnoz. He’ll probably start his season on the DL.