AUBURN — There are no bodies in the Androscoggin River! I repeat, there are no bodies in the Androscoggin River!

Not real ones, anyway.

An Auburn Fire Department rescue drill sent excitement rippling through the community Wednesday as rescuers went about plucking a pair of dummies from the river.

It was all part of training in advance of the Great Falls Balloon Festival, firefighters say, but try telling that to the people who heard the early calls over the police scanner.

A Sun Journal reporter first heard about the drama from the clerks at Androscoggin County Superior Court. The reporter dutifully notified his editors, who put out urgent emails to other reporters.

It sounded like the real thing. Over the airwaves, rescue crews were frantically calling for backup, advising that both the medical examiner and a local funeral home should be notified.

Meanwhile, nervous chatter was flying on social networks and through various communication channels.

“Lots of AFD at Big Apple in Auburn,” read one such email. “No light, but lots of trucks.”

The Sun Journal sent a photographer to the scene, while reporters mobilized. The truth of the matter became apparent as the photographer took his first shots.

One of the “bodies” recovered from the river was mostly made of fire hose. The other was more realistic looking.

“It’s a mannequin,” Auburn Fire Department’s Dan Masselli said, “dressed up as a firefighter.”

An ugly firefighter, apparently. One editor described that particular dummy as having “insect-like green eyes and reptilian skin.”

The confusion was rather “The War of the Worlds”-ish, but the rescue crews had nothing but the best intentions. With the annual Balloon Festival coming up in August, they want to be prepared in case something goes wrong.

Considering how many balloons touch the river with their baskets, it seems wise to prepare for chaos.

“What happens if there’s some kind of malfunction?” Masselli said. “When things go wrong, people usually call the Fire Department. If we’re not prepared, we’re going to be behind the 8-ball.”

So Auburn rescue crews, joined by their peers from Lewiston, went down to the river with ropes and other gear required to save people from situations like balloon water landings. It all went very well, Masselli said, but their training isn’t over.

“We’re doing this for each of our shifts,” he said. “You never know who’s going to be working when something happens. If we train anyone, we train everyone.”

Rescuers do try to prevent misunderstandings while they’re training. Each call from emergency dispatchers is prefaced with the words, “This is training,” or, “This is only a drill.”

It’s easy to miss that part, though, when the police scanner starts buzzing and excitement mounts. Just ask the court clerks, the reporters, editors, photographers and the many dozen people who thought real drama was unfolding on the Androscoggin River.

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