JAY — Jenna Lord said when her younger brother died by suicide on Nov. 15, 2011, she was devastated and heartbroken, as was anyone who knew Jake Lord.

The grief that follows a suicide is unique in that the survivors are left with so many unanswered questions and an overwhelming sense of guilt and blame, said Lord, a 2005 graduate of Jay High School who lives in New York.

The “what ifs” and “should haves” and “could haves” never seem to end, she said.

Her brother was a typical 18-year-old boy, who loved sports and was a three-sport varsity athlete in high school, she said. He was in the last graduating class from Jay High School in 2011.

He loved the outdoors, hunting and fishing, video games, friends and his family, Lord, 27, she said.

“He did not suffer from a diagnosed mental disease,” she said. “To the outside world, it would be hard to tell that his life was anything but perfect. But to those closer to him, there was a sadness that could be felt. It wasn’t an overwhelming depression, but just a subtle darkness that could be picked up on by those that were paying attention.”

Lord said she will never forget the phone call she received from her parents, telling her she needed to come home from Boston. They had made a pact to never give each other bad news over the phone.

She said she knew something was terribly wrong and she had to get home.

“The haunting feeling that overwhelmed me is one that I will never forget,” Lord said. “It is a feeling that I wish to protect all people from experiencing. It is a feeling that I now live with every day.” 

In the days after her brother’s death, the Jay-area community gathered and surrounded her family with love and support.

She was comforted by a dear friend who had lost her son to suicide years before.

“It was then that she gave me the most honest and valuable advice that would guide me through the following days,” Lord said. “She told me, ‘You have a choice to fight this new fight or to give in to it. You have been wounded, but you are not broken. Find your gift.’”

In January 2012, she found her gift when she founded The Jake Lord Play It Safe Foundation.

Among her goals for the foundation was to raise funds to purchase high-quality helmets and other sports equipment to help reduce the likelihood of concussions and brain injuries to young athletes, coupled with training for coaches and sports equipment managers in the care and maintenance of equipment.

The foundation has had great success over the past couple of years, she said.

“We have had the opportunity to build relationships with other groups interested in concussion awareness and suicide prevention,” she said. “We have helped establish new state (legislation) that requires all schools in Maine to have a concussion plan for athletes and a suicide-prevention protocol that requires school personnel to undergo a prevention-training course.”

Since its establishment, the foundation has gathered significant donations to help purchase equipment and establish training programs for local schools.

This past summer, foundation representatives worked with football equipment manufacturer Xenith to provide the Spruce Mountain High School football team in Jay with $12,000 worth of new helmets and shoulder pads.

“Raising money for these athletes is so important to me, and I know it is what my brother Jake would have wanted,” Lord said. “I’m here to raise awareness, not alarm. I want to promote safety, not change the way the game is played. All I want is for athletes to play it safe.

“We need to do our best to prevent injuries with new equipment and education,” she said.

It is important that parents and players familiarize themselves with symptoms of concussions and watch for them, she said.

If anyone knows someone who is struggling with depression or showing warning signs of suicidal behavior, she asks them not to wait.

“There is help for everyone who needs it,” Lord said. “We all need to take the pledge … to be active members of the team. And to play it safe.”

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