One day as a man sat writing, a spider descended a thin strand of web and dangled just before him.

“Excuse me,” said the man, “but you don’t belong in here. I’m afraid I will have to smash you between two shoes.”

“Please don’t do that,” the spider replied. “Perhaps instead of giving me the New Balance treatment, you would be so kind as to carry me outside?”

“I don’t touch spiders,” the man answered, tugging at a shoelace.

“You don’t have to touch me,” the spider said. “Reach up and grab the top of this single strand. I’ll hang on, and you can carry me out of doors.”

The man agreed. He reached well above the spider, broke off the silken thread, and headed for the back door.

“Excuse me,” said the spider. “But this swaying motion is making me ill. Let me crawl up my rope a little.”

“Okay,” said the man. But because the spider was now closer to his fingers, the fellow added, “Pardon me, but I feel a need to walk faster.”

“No problem,” said the spider. “But your increased speed is giving me vertigo. Slow down or I’m going to blow my lunch.”

The thought of the flies and other things the spider might have in its queasy stomach made the man walk even faster.

“Don’t be nervous,” the spider cautioned, “but for both our sake’s, I’m climbing higher.”

“Okay,” said the man. “But if you don’t mind, I’m going to run.”

This frightened the spider so, it moved even more quickly up its lifeline.

“You’re too close to my hand,” the man exclaimed, and in a panic, let the spider and the strand of web fall to the kitchen floor.

The spider dropped safely to the surface and shouted up, “Ha, ha. I’m free.”

The man did a frantic stomp-dance, but the spider, still laughing, scurried under the refrigerator.

The man’s children were unaware of this encounter and he had no intention of raising their awareness. Nor did he warn them not to approach the fridge barefooted, though, for several days, he made sure he himself was shod.

The man convinced himself that he had been kind to the spider, allowing it to escape. He congratulated himself for the humane manner in which he had dealt with the situation. And if he ever came face to face with another spider (or the same one), he would behave the same way.

This is a true story. Having written it in the form of a fable, it’s only proper I should add a moral.

The moral of the story is, if you are going to write a true incident as a fable, feel free to rewrite the ending.

The man stepped on the spider, squashing it flat. He used a piece of toilet paper to remove the remains from his shoe, then flushed the mess down the toilet. He then woke his children, who cheered and cooked him waffles.