WATERVILLE — The teacher who posted messages on social media calling for the military and U.S. Secret Service to “take out” those who support President Donald Trump says she is extremely sorry for doing so and was suffering from severe insomnia and a mental breakdown at the time.

“I have never felt so ashamed in my life,” JoAnna St. Germain said Monday. “I can’t explain to you how devastated I am. I didn’t hurt anybody, but I did hurt a lot of people. My words have consequences. I’m truly sorry for that.”

St. Germain, 37, had been an English teacher at Waterville Senior High School for seven years when she started posting messages on her Facebook page April 29 saying Trump has bragged about stealing the election and “is making plans to give himself a third term.”

“I’m talking about Americans recognizing a fascist dictatorship and standing against it. Secret Service, you are Americans. My beloved military, you are Americans. We, the people, are counting on you. If I had the skill set required, I would take them out myself. I’m making this post public for a reason, I promise you. Don’t waste time wondering if I’m okay. I’m not. If you’re ok, you’re lying to yourself.”

That and subsequent posts elicited a firestorm of comments on social media calling for St. Germain’s arrest and firing, with police and school Superintendent Peter Hallen issuing statements that the case was being investigated and everything was being done to ensure the safety of students, staff and community.

Germain, of Waterville, said Monday in an interview with the Morning Sentinel that she was hospitalized after the incident and recently released. She said she understands that while she was in the hospital, the Secret Service tried to interview her but healthcare officials would not allow it. Now that she is doing better, she is ready to talk with them, she said.

“The Secret Service is going to sit down with me for an interview, obviously, this week,” she said.

St. Germain was open about what led to her breakdown. She said she had always been a sound sleeper but toward the end of December and the beginning of January, she began to sleep only a couple of hours at a time. Her insomnia worsened as she was feeling stress from repressed memories of having been sexually and mentally abused by a boyfriend she had moved in with several years ago while in graduate school, she said. At the time, she felt trapped, she said, both financially and physically.

“I’m not proud of this but I think, honestly, having a president considered a rapist and doing terrible things, my brain just couldn’t take it,” she said. “I honestly can’t explain what happened to my brain.”

While Trump has been accused of sexual assault, he has never been convicted of the crime. A civil jury found that Trump liable for sexual abuse and awarded his accuser $5 million in May 2023.  A federal appeals court upheld that finding and the award for defamation and sexual abuse.

She said she thinks her “brain just broke a little bit” when she started posting social media rants about the president and his supporters. She has been a law-abiding person all her life, has never been violent and never so much has had a speeding ticket, she said. She has no weapons, doesn’t like them and doesn’t want them, she said.

“I’ve been teaching 12 years. I’ve always told my students, be very careful about what you put online. It’s there forever. I’m looking at what I did from the outside of it, from a more stable place and how I allowed myself to do it.”

St. Germain said as soon as her sisters saw her social media posts, they contacted her and took her to the emergency room at MaineGeneral Medical Center in Augusta, and she was later admitted. She said she received excellent care and psychiatric help, and was placed on appropriate medicine. She now feels as if she is on the right track.

Going back further in her life, St. Germain said she was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder as a child and later, post traumatic stress disorder from the experience with abuse, and major depressive disorder.

She earned her bachelor’s degree in English from University of Maine at Augusta, she said, and a master’s in creative writing from West Virginia University. She got her first teaching job in West Virginia and later, taught a year at Carrabec High School in North Anson before coming to Waterville.

She said she has been “incredibly stressed” about student safety at the high school and some students have said they brought guns to school or would bring them, although according to St. Germain, they did not face consequences, nor were they expelled.

Before the end of the school year last year, she was admitted to a psychiatric unit because she was feeling suicidal, she said; while there, she received intense therapy.

Asked if she has spoken with Hallen, whom she described as an “impeccable professional,” since the social media incident, she said she has. They plan to sit down with her union representative to talk about her situation.

Hallen said Monday, as he said previously, he can’t comment on individual personnel matters but wanted to reassure the community that any time a concern is brought to his attention, it is taken seriously.

“We follow due process, honor our policies and contractual obligations, and take appropriate action when necessary,” he said. “I also want to emphasize that confidentiality is not just a legal requirement, it’s a matter of respect and professionalism. While outcomes aren’t always visible to the public, it does not mean that nothing is being done. This has always been our approach, and will continue to be whether the concern involves a student, staff member, or any other community member whose behavior may impact the actual or perceived safety of our schools.”

Waterville police Chief William Bonney was out of the office Monday, but Maj. Jason Longley, spokesperson for the department, forwarded Bonney’s statement from earlier this month saying police don’t comment on open matters but have taken steps to ensure the safety of the community. Longley said the department has no other comment at this time.

A message left Monday at the Secret Service’s Augusta office was not immediately returned, although the woman who answered the phone there said she would have someone call.

Waterville psychologist Dennis Ratner said Monday he has spoken with many people who have intense feelings about the actions of the Trump administration. Some express those feelings at rallies and other events and have a right to do so, while others do not verbalize their concerns.

Sharing such feelings with a trusted friend is important, but one must be extremely careful and consider the consequences about publicly posting comments that may be construed as a violation of the law, especially if one works in a position with influence over children, as parents may have concerns about how people responsible for the children in an educational setting might influence their children, especially when there are discrepant points of view, Ratner said.

Meanwhile, St. Germain said she doesn’t plan to return to teaching now. Instead, she will look for other work.

“I loved it,” she said. “I loved my students. I loved just making classes a safe place for them. I’m going to miss it a lot. I already miss it. I’m horrified that I wasn’t able to do the rest of the school year. I’m not proud of it and I’m really sad about it but I do think it’s right that I’m not in the classroom.”

She said her main message to those she hurt is that she is very sorry and ashamed and understands if people are angry with her.

While she said she still feels the country is going in a fascist direction, she wasn’t in her right mind when she posted the messages on social media.

“I’m trying to own what I did and make things right with everybody — students, parents, colleagues, Secret Service.”

Asked what her days look like now, she said she is trying to take care of herself, with help from family members who have been supportive and “amazing.”

“I’m focused on maintaining my sleep, taking my medication, checking in with family a few times a day. I’m just reading, I’m working through my appointments with people, doing everything I can to fix this mess that I made.”

IF YOU or someone you know is in immediate danger, dial 911.
FOR ASSISTANCE during a mental health crisis, call or text 888-568-1112. To call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org.
FOR MORE SUPPORT, call the NAMI Maine Help Line at 800-464-5767 or email [email protected].
OTHER Maine resources for mental health, substance use disorder and other issues can be found by calling 211.