Being transgender is when your gender identity doesn’t align with your sex assigned at birth. Simple as that. Nobody can “make” someone trans. Some trans people don’t want hormones or surgeries, and for others those things are necessities. Some people have always known they’re a certain gender, and others figure it out later. There are as many identities as there are people, and there’s no one way to be trans. Being trans is, simply put, trying to engage with the world on a level that’s genuine for you.

I’d like to propose a test to people who have never questioned their cisgender (non-trans) identity. Imagine that one day, you woke up in the body of the opposite sex, but your brain was the same. Your thoughts and feelings affirming your gender remained, but somehow you were in the wrong body. Now imagine you’re a vulnerable middle schooler, high schooler maybe, and you’re forced to play on the sports team that aligns with your outside body.

Remember, your brain is the same and you still feel aligned with the gender you were before waking up into the mistake. Would you feel valued and respected? And perhaps more immediately pressing, would you feel safe? Would you want to go into the locker room, be announced over the loudspeaker with the wrong prefix? Even if sports were your safety net, sports were where you met all your friends and where you felt seen, would you continue playing?

Just by existing, you’ve stumbled into being a hot-button issue and you cease to be the person you were before. No longer the caring friend, the brilliant problem-solver, or the star of the debate team. Suddenly all you are is “the trans one.” Nobody uses your name anymore, you’re invited to nothing, and the medical decisions you and your family and your doctors have made are all moot points.

You had been accepted before, maybe. Kids are, overall, incredible at adapting. Different name? OK. New pronouns? No problem, do you still want to play checkers after lunch? Now the people you thought were your friends scream slurs at you from their car windows and your physical safety is threatened constantly. The medical interventions you’ve managed to secure that have quite possibly saved your life are under constant threat from politicians who refuse to treat you as they would a human.

You and fellow strugglers are discussed as one entity, implying that all trans kids are the same and none of you deserve to live, and if you are to live it is to be in a world that dismisses the core of your being and kicks you to the curb when another marginalized group is up to be scapegoated and blamed for the failings of the world.

Not that trans people suddenly “become” trans with no warning. I’m loosely equating this “waking up” to coming out. That’s an exhausting way to live. There are absolutely moments of trans joy, otherwise known as gender euphoria (can be brought on by people getting your name and pronouns right), but being trans is in no way easy. Any sort of perceived “advantage” pales in comparison to the daily fight for recognition.

And on top of all that, DHHS is considering defunding the LGBTQ+ suicide hotline. Yes, we can call a less specific one, but the comprehension of LGBTQ+ issues is critical to long-term wellness, and some of us might not be able to get by with a vague, non-queer-specific “it’ll get better.”.

Trans people are people. We aren’t just a wedge issue, or under any sort of delusion. We are your neighbors, co-workers and your friends. So think about what you say, and how you say it. One, is it true? Two, does it serve a purpose? And three, is it conducive to a world where everybody has basic rights and dignity? That’s the goal, humanity for everyone.